Self-Tech Support for the user
Things you should do when encountering a hiccup in your technological workings.
1. Capture the error message in full. Even those ‘words’ that are just a bunch of letters/numbers. They can be the most important part of the error message.
2. Close the program and restart it.
3. If web-based, clear cache & cookies.
4. Turn your device off and on. (It’s a cliché because it fucking WORKS).
5. NOW you may contact tech support.
Failure to abide by the above instructions in the prescribed order, may result in thermal detonation of your workspace.
Signature block I received on an email today:
WIDTS: So you think you are e.e. cummings and this is Poetry Hour at the coffeehouse?
Note I saw on a file today:
the university accepts cc payment forstudent intuition. Need invoice to access the account.
WIDTS: Obviously, you have paid WAY too little tuition to have the job you currently have.
Sentence I saw today @ work:
Correct phone number is 860.691.****, it would just entered in incorrectly on the enrollment form.
WIDTS: English teachers, you are failing and providing GREAT content for Internet trolls and grammar nazi’s everywhere. Keep up the splendid job!
“I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.” – What should happen when Beliebers realize he is a Grade-A douchebag
At work, my co-workers call a company’s suppliers to get the suppliers to accept payments via credit card from their client.
A supplier asked if they could be paid separately on the two accounts the customer has set up with them because it is easier for them to reconcile their books that way.
My co-worker commented that it was weird that they would combine payments for accounts that were billed separately and the supplier said, “Oh, we invoice both accounts together.”
WIDTS: Problem solved! Turn in your employee badge immediately & I’ll have Darryl escort you to your car.
An email received today at work. As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty:
BallzDeep, LC acknowledges Habit’s new credit card
payment program and we have emailed the enrollment form to you in a separate email. Please let us know if you require any additional information to enroll us in your new program.
WIDTS: I am so glad you sent me an email to let me know you sent me another email with the information I was requesting. That was so EFFICIENTLY idiotic of you!
The following was found on an electric company website: https://ebill.jacksonemc.com/AccountAccess/JSP/index.jsp
“Also, you can now report power outages online simply by using your account profile.”
WIDTS: How many hamsters on treadmills do you think I own, anyway?
So without any power, you want me to use my computer to report a power outage? Have you lost your ever-loving mind?
This whole brouhaha over Phil Robertson’s comments just makes me shake my head in disgust over the lack of understanding most Americans have regarding the term ‘freedom of speech’.
High school civics taught me that while the 1st Amendment gives us freedom of speech, it just means that the government cannot jail you or suppress your right of expression. It doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want and not expect recriminations from society collectively & individually.
As an (alleged) free market society there are still effects, results & consequences of citizens expressing their beliefs & opinions that have nothing to do with government.
So the next time one of your favorite public figures shoots their mouth off and ends up with a self – inflicted firestorm of public backlash, please save your breath in quoting the freedom of speech “defense”.
Unless it’s the government that is persecuting them. Then by all means, open your mouth and remove all doubt as to your lack of intelligence also.
Notes from an account today…
Suzie Controller* states that she doesn’t want to participate in any payment initiative for any high dollar amount transactions due to the merchant fees for those transactions and rather than setting a dollar limit per transaction, she would prefer to not participate at all. She did state though that credit card payments could be made online. To pay by credit card you must go to http://www.cityofthefuckingstupid.org/*.
WIDTS: So you don’t want to participate due to the fees you’re going to be charged anyway when I decide to make my payment online? If it makes sense to a government employee, it has to be logical to everyone else, right?
Does anyone else see why government-think is a retarded state of mind?
*names & identifying information has been changed to protect the guilty and to increase the hilarity.