Fired!

FB Post: OMG! the apt next to mine had a huge fire this morning and I woke up an hour ago to the sound of chainsaws. What an awesome life I have

Comment on said post: U alrite?

WIDTS: No, they are not. They are still on fire an hour later, but took the time to post a status on FB! WTF!?!?!?

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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Re-sizing the Expectations of Humanity

Caller: It says on here that you will re-size the ring upon request. Can it be re-sized to a size 6.5?

WIDTS: Only if the size is below your IQ #. Since your IQ is obviously below 6.5, I am sorry, but we cannot accommodate your request.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Intelligence Deposits

Photographed by Daniel Case 2006-01-25 on a bo...

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Me: Law office. How may I help you?

Caller: Yeah, I was calling on the 2-bedroom apartment in the paper…

Me: I’m sorry there was a misprint by the paper. You’ve reached the wrong #.

Caller: Has it been rented?

WIDTS: No, actually it hasn’t. Would you like to put a non-refundable “deposit” down on it?

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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Virtually Non-existent

Laboratory, Institute of Biochemistry, Univers...

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Caller: How is my labwork instruction handled?

Me: All classes for this course are done in virtual labs online.

Caller: I don’t have to go to a clinic and practice there?

WIDTS: Only if the clinic is named Virtual Labs Online.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Most Important?

Caller: Hmmmm…I have so many things to do today and I have a minute now to call the attorney to reschedule my appointment. I just wish I had realized that it’s 5am and the office doesn’t open for 4 hours.

Well, by calling 4 hours before the attorney even wakes up at least you didn’t need to be placed on hold…

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Pointless

Me: Thank you for calling CheapBedding.com, where you get more than you bargained for. How can I help you?

Caller: Good morning. I’m calling about the Laureal Aston Emasculation bed set.

Me: Great. And how can I help you?

Caller: Do you know the Emasculation style?

WIDTS: Sadly I do. I have an ex-wife for a reason. Now is there a question I can actually help you with, or are you going to waste some more of your time and mine?

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Wrong Number?

Me: OK, I will need to get some information from you and have our customer service manager check into your order and call you back. May I get your phone # please?

Caller: 516-555-1234

Me: OK, I will have them check on your order and call you back.

Caller: Great. Can you have them call me on 516-386-2277? I can’t be reached on that other number.

WIDTS: Sure. And let me be sure I have the correct #. Is that 516-D-U-M-B-A-S-S?

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Shocking…

Lightning over Pentagon City in Arlington, Vir...

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Me: Thank you for calling D&F Electricians. How can I help you?

Caller: I was calling about your CNA program.

WIDTS: You want to take a CNA course that’s taught by electricians? Remind me to kill myself if I’m ever under your care, please.

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*Actual caller handled by the by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

And the Saints come marching in…

Me: Thank you for calling TwinsWorld.com. How can I help you?

Caller: Do you sell Saints jerseys?

WIDTS: As a life-long Minnesota Vikings fan and an employee of a baseball-themed website, I would be happy to sell you some New Orleans Saints gear. As long as you don’t care that it says Twins on it, buttons up the front and won’t fit over your shoulder pads. Is that OK?

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Memory wipe

Me: Good Morning! You have reached the answering service of Company XYZ. How can I help?

Caller: How do I make changes to my website?

Me: I’m sorry I cannot help you with that as I am the answering service. Would you like me to have the tech support department call you?

Caller: Can’t you help me?

WIDTS: Actually, I would be happy to. Please open up the Command prompt on your computer and type in “format c:” and press Enter.

+Just a note here: If anyone does this on their own PC, it is their own fault. That command WIPES the hard drive. I will not take responsibility if you do it.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!