Grasping at Straws

this is how they all look to me

Image by greg westfall. via Flickr

Me: Law Office. How can we help you today ?

Caller: I was wondering if there was such a thing as stress leave from a job? My job is just too stressful for me.

Me: Stress leave? Yes, there is. It’s called Unemployment. You may contact them @ 877-386-2277

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*


© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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Misspelt…

Caller: my email address is marcus.leonard@specialtimes.com. Now make sure you spell that right. One character off and it won’t get to me.
Me: You’re joshing me right? It has to be spelled correctly? Maybe that’s why my emails to Megan Fox have not been answered.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*
© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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Number ONE!

Lola and her one finger salute

Image by mikekanyo via Flickr

Me: The mailing address for your payment is 1258 Main St, Warren, WI. Warren is spelled W-A-R-R-E-N.

Caller: Is that the number one?

Me: Yes. As in the salute you’re receiving at this very moment.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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The uppercrust of intelligence…

Merriam–Webster’s 11 th edition of the Collegi...

Image via Wikipedia

Caller: Upper-Anterior (Front) teeth is for the top front teeth correct?

Let’s consult Webster’s dictionary, shall we? Upper seems to indicate top, and Front, well unless it’s Random Opposite Day in the English language, front means front. Wouldn’t you agree?

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Multi-tasking

Me: Thank you for calling ABC Company. This is Steven. How can I help you?

Caller: Willard?

Me: Yes, I’m Willard. I’d like to avoid all of my paying customers, so I’m using a fake name to simultaneously take your call and avoid you at the same time. I’m multi-tasking!!

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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Exten-Z-e

Me: And what phone # can you be reached at please?

Caller: Extension 1058

Me: Is the # to reach that extension option, 1 800 386-2277 by chance? No? Well it should be.

Translate the number to words on your T9 enabled phone or @ the hyper link above.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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Try Mexico…

Caller: I see on your site, that the vaccine for Rubinella* is not available in the United States anymore. Do you know where I can get it?

WIDTS: Well, my cousin was able to get the last bit, but you don’ wanna know how. For $20, he’ll make sure you get the shot. Oh and don’t pay no mind to the chick in the hallway with a needle stickin’ outta her arm. That just my girl, she alive.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….</stro

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Clearly wrong…

Me: Thank you for calling Pump U Up Gym. How can I help you?

Caller: Is this Clearly Medical?

WIDTS: Damn! Yes it is. I said ‘Thank you for calling Pump U Up Gym’ because I didn’t want to talk to you, but you caught me.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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Pearls before Swine (flu)

I iz on yr kbrdz surfing da interwebz 4 fishez

Image by plasmatika via Flickr

Caller: I’m on your website and would like to know where I can get some info about the H1N1 vaccine?

WIDTS: How about right there on the main page, maybe? That picture of a pig with the text “H1N1 Swine Flu Facts” on it? I believe if you click your mouse over that, it will then take you to the info you’re seeking. I could be wrong, but that’s how the web has worked for a number of years now. It’s so easy a cat can apparently do it.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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Brain Diarrhea

Logo/ Trade Mark of Maxwell Law Firm, PLLC

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Me: May I ask your name please?

Caller: My name is Mary AsherI’vespokenwithjaneinthepastandshe’sexpectingmycall.

WIDTS: Thank you, Mrs. AsherI’vespokenwithjaneinthepastandshe’sexpectingmycall. I’ll let her know that you called. And how large are your business cards, anyways?
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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*changed*


© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!