Room for two?

Caller: I’m looking for a room for tonight.

Me: I’m sorry, we don’t have any rooms tonight.

Caller: You don’t have ANY?

Me: Oh wait, I’m sorry. We have the maintenance closet. Will that be OK?

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*Actual caller handled by me when I worked at an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

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Singled out…

Caller: Can I have the Sales Department please?

Me: This is the order placement line. If you’d like I can take a message & have a product trained sales rep get back to you.

Caller: So no one in Sales is available?

Me: No everyone is available. They just don’t want to talk to YOU.

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*Actual caller handled by me when I worked at an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

Devotion Misplaced

Caller: My name is Susan (unintelligible), with the Childrens foundation.

Me: I’m sorry, May I ask your last name please?

Caller: The Childrens Foundation.

Me: It’s nice to see some one as devoted to the cause as you ma’am. I mean changing your last name to the name of the foundation is just so…idiotic.

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*Actual caller handled by me when I worked at an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

Time is of the essence…

Me: I’m sorry, they are not available at the moment. Can I take a message?

Caller:  No that’s OK. I’ll call them back earlier today.

Me: Awesome! You have a WORKING time machine? Can I have a turn?

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*Actual caller handled by me when I worked at an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

Don’t Call Us, We’ll Call You

Caller: Is the attorney available?

Me: I can check for you. May I ask your name please?

Caller: Eileen Shaker.

Me: Thank You. and your phone # please?

Caller: What do you need that for?

Me: Oh I don’t know…?  Even if all the planets and stars were in prefect alignment, and you could speak to the busy attorney, he may at some point need to call you back.

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*Actual caller handled by me when I worked at an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

Par into bogey?

Caller: We have 3 late check-ins.

Me: Alrighty.

Caller: Second is Jason Huffman locker 2 code 1234, Third is Alexis McConnell, Locker 3, code 2345 and 4th is Katrina Sheeper, locker 4, code 3456.

Me: Remind me to not let you be my golf caddy, alrighty? K then.

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*Actual caller handled by me when I worked at an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

You’re kidding, right?

Me: Thank you for calling Computer Problems R Us. How can I help you?

Caller: I’m having computer problems.

Me: OK, we can help with that. All of our techs are helping other callers right now. Can I have them call you back?

Caller: Sure, My name is Jane Doe.

Me: And your contact phone #?

Caller: 510-555-1515

Me: And what are you having trouble with?

Caller: My computer.

Me: Thank you for making that crystally clear. Here at Computer Problems R Us, you would not imagine how many people call for things OTHER than their computers.

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*Actual caller handled by me when I worked at an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

When in Amsterdam…

Caller: I need to leave a message for Amsterdam Printing, please.

Me: I’m sorry but this is not Amsterdam Printing. This is Nurses R Us.

Caller: I know.

Me: Ooohhhh Kay. Somebody has been to Amsterdam a little much methinks

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

Getting ahead…

Caller: Do I need to call in advance for an appointment?

Me: Only if you want to actually be seen by the doctor.  Otherwise just show up every day until we have an highly unlikely cancellation.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

Do I hear $300?

Me: Our Gift Certificates are available in $100 increments.

Caller: You can’t do one for $150?

Me: Yes we can, but it will cost $200.

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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*