Name Please?

Me: May I get your name please?

Caller: Did you need my location?

Me: No. What. Is. Your. Name. Please?

Caller: Well when the person tries to enter the game the machine shuts down.

Me: OK, Mr. Nonamuss. Do I dare ask for your phone number?

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

I Need The Digits!

Me: May I get a phone number you can be contacted at in case he is not available?

Caller: It’s a toll free number.

Me: But a phone number all the same, right?

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Subway Employee Idiocy

Me: I’d like a 6-inch ham and swiss sub on wheat please.

Sandwich ‘Artist’: I’m sorry but we are all out of 6-inch bread. Would you like a footlong instead?

WIDTS: I got a footlong in my pants. Why don’t you just cut the footlong bread in half and make it a 6-inch? Did you fail your math class?

*Actual event. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Thank You

Photo: shopkeeper expresses a nation's gratitu...

Image via Wikipedia

Me: May I let Mr. Stephens know what the call will be regarding, please?

Caller: Great. I appreciate it. Thank you.

Me: uh oooohhhhh kaaayyy… I’ll tell him thank you for you then?

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

Not Handled

Captain Obvious

Image by g4r37h via Flickr

Me: I’m sorry you’re order arrived damaged, sir. If I can get your name and contact info, I will have a manager contact you ASAP to arrange for a replacement. May I have your name please?

Caller: Edward Cullen

Me: Thank you, Mr. Cullen. And your phone number, please?

Caller: 909-826-7473.

Me: Thank you sir, you shall be contacted in the next 24 hours.

Caller: So you don’t handle it, huh?

Me: Dun-dun-na dunnnnnnn! Captain Obvious strikes again!

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Discontinued?

I see here on your website and several others that the UWS Wire-Free FlushMount Intercoms have been discontinued. Did they stop making them?

Me: Absolutely not. The discontinuation is a 10-year marketing plan.

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Cheerio!

Me: Thank you for calling D.A. Industries. How Can I Help You?

Caller:{In a proper British accent} Good morning!

Me: Thank you for calling D.A. Industries. How Can I Help You?

Caller: {In a proper British accent}It’s good manners to say “Good Morning” when someone says it to you, you know.

Me: It’s also good form to answer the bloody question you were asked at the beginning of the call, old chap. Pip pip, cheerio and all that rubbish.

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Gone Bananas

Me: Thank you for calling Vaccines R US. How can I help you?

Caller: I’m looking for a Banana Republic Leather Bag.

Me: Well because of all the people calling the wrong number we just started carrying Banana Republic merchandise. Would you like the handbag or the tote?

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Off-Track!

Me: Thank you for calling intercomsonthenet.com. How can I help you?

Caller: I have my Fedex Tracking# and I was wondering if you could tell me where my package is?

Me: Uh, No, You may have better luck with FedEx though?

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Split Personalities

Thank you for calling Dr. Smith’s office. How can we help you?

Caller: I have a question about why the Department of Disability scheduled me for an appointment with you and one with Dr. Jones at the same time.

Me: Great. Since we are a mental health practice, I’m going to guess that you called them using 2 of your personalities and the Department of Disability was unaware of the names of your personalities. So they unwittingly scheduled the same person for 2 appointments under 2 different names at the same time. Or better than my speculation, why don’t you call THEM?

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*Actual caller handled by the answering service, MyAnswering.com. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…* © 2010 by What I Desired to Say….