Potato, Tomato; Same Thing, Right?

Me:Thank you for calling Business Digest. How Can I help You?

Caller: I’m on a website, BusinessDepot.com. Can you help me with orders through that catalog?

WIDTS: Absolutely! We love to help customers order from our competition.

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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Attention Deficiency Epidemic

Me: May I get a phone number you can be contacted at please?

Caller: 2600 Westridge Rd.

Me: Do you have a new phone that will call you on the phone using your address? Is it a new technology? Can I name it DipShit after you?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….


Non-Working

Me: And what number can you be reached at, please?

Caller: Well, the number I was originally called at by the sales person is not working and it is 210-555-1212.

Me: OK, I’ll have him call you there at a non-working number. Seems like a good match for your non-working brain. Have a good day!

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

A Steel Trap

Steel wolf trap

Image via Wikipedia

Me: The medical assistant course is the only course we are currently offering.

Caller: So you’re not offering the Dental Technician program right now?

WIDTS: Wow! Nothing gets past you the 3rd time does it? Your mind is a steel trap…left outside for years.

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

How to Look Ignorant

Headline seen on the web: ‘Fashion 101: How Not to Look Pregnant’

Tip # 1 should be (drum roll please!) Lose weight! Was it mentioned in the article at all? Hell No! why in the world would the BEST way to avoid looking like you are pregnant be in an article about not appearing to be pregnant?

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Bank On It

Caller: I asked for an additional nightguard and I don’t know if you’ve charged me yet or not.

Me: I’m sorry, but as the order placement line I would not have access to that info. I can have a customer service manager contact you within the next 24 hours though.

Caller: Can’t you tell me any quicker than that?

Me: Yes. What’s the number for your bank? I’ll call them, connect you through and then they can tell you in a matter of moments whether they have paid our charge or not. Would that be satisfactory?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….


You Are Not Complete

Merriam–Webster’s 11 th edition of the Collegi...

Image via Wikipedia

Caller: Do all of the visuals come with the Complete Core Set?

Me: May I refer you to Webster’s Dictionary and the entry for ‘complete‘, ma’am?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….


Another Capt. Oblivious Moment

Caller: And what is your address?

Me: 1234 N Main St, Intelligista, PA

Caller: Oh, you’re not in Media anymore?

WIDTS: Actually, we are still in Media for our low IQ customers. You may meet us at the address in Media.

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….


Just Not You

Me: I’m sorry I do not have the address of the homeowners association. I am the answering service for when they are not available.

Caller: I don’t know. Are you an answering service?

Me: Yes.

Caller: And they are not available?

WIDTS: Oh, they are available to someone else, just not you.

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….