IQ Test Required

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In a shocking (and welcome) twist, the Utah Legislature has passed a bill that will require a license to own or be responsible for the following items: guns, credit cards, smartphones and children. The license will require an IQ test be taken and passed with a score of 110 or higher and it must be administered by a certified psychologist. For those people who have already had their IQ tested, such as to become a member of MENSA, as long as you can provide certified results, the test will be waived.

For those people already in possession of one of the items, you are grandfathered in, for now. If there is any misuse or mis-treatment of the items or children in your care, you will be required to undergo the testing process and if your IQ score is found lacking, your privilege of owning or taking care of the above items will be revoked.

“We felt like that for the human race to maintain it’s achievements and possibly even progress, these items were in dire need of being regulated by the government.” said John Stephens, R-West Jordan. “Have you seen that picture of the kid in the shopping cart with a produce bag over it’s head while the mother/aunt/grandmother pushes the cart? I have seen the confusion when people try to work a smartphone. And credit cards? The debt the American public is carrying is ludicrous. How can we tax the bejesus out of them if they have that much debt? We feel that for the common good, people like that should not be allowed to handle devices or concepts as advanced as credit cards or parenthood.”

Opponents of the bill were few as you can see in the vote totals, however lobbyist Tamera Jenkins of Wal-Mart is very outspoken in her opposition.

“How can you require an IQ test and a license for something that Mother Nature has given nearly all human beings the capability of doing? Having children is a natural right! The others, I can see, and even agree with, but not having children!”

Mr. Stephens, the sponsor of the bill and member of the West Jordan community where no citizen under an IQ of 110 is allowed, said he feels that the time to do something was long overdue. Surprisingly, most of his colleagues in the legislature agreed. The bill cruised through the legislature to votes of 39-2 in the Senate and 89-3 in the House. It now goes to Governor Herbert for a signature. Because of the overwhelming support for the bill in both houses of the legislature, Gov. Herbert –who has an IQ of 105– is still expected to sign the bill into law.

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