Tax on the Idiot

The People That Time Forgot (novel)

Customer(pointing at a $5 price sticker): Is this the price?

WIDTS: You forgot the Idiot Tax of $5, so no, it’s $10.

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


Your NAME, buddy!

Overheard at a local fast food establishment upon completion of the ordering process.

Cashier: Can I get your name sir?

Customer: (silence)

Cashier: Can I get your name sir?

Customer: (chirping crickets)

Cashier: Can I get your name so I can call you when your order is ready sir?

Customer: (the whistle of vacuum forming)

WIDTS: For God‘s sake man, she ain’t asking you for your unmeasured (for lack of instruments small enough) IQ. It’s just that thing your parents named you and called you for years.

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


Deputy Dumbass: (from a posting about the GPS program request process): If you submit a request knowing that you do not meet the above listed criteria, your application maybe delayed or you may be excluded from the program.

WIDTS: You mean there’s a chance my application will NOT be delayed and actually approved if I don’t meet the criteria? And you wonder why some people can’t follow the rules?

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Deputy Dumbass

DD: (holding up a plastic bag with 20-30 plastic spoons inside) I found these spoons in the garbage can. Do you knowingly throw away $100 bills? Well, do you? No of course not, but that’s what those spoons are to me. Money. (then he proceeds to throw them in the garbage can… Again.)

WIDTS: So a five-cent plastic spoon is similar to a $100 bill to you? Why did you then throw away $2-$3000 if the spoons were still in the plastic bag, moron?

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Marriage Vacation

Mr. Taco-short-of-a-combination-plate: Yeah, I’m never getting married. I’m just going to elope.

WIDTS: So what you’re saying is that you’re just gonna take a vacation like the one your brain did just then, eh?

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Your Brain On Drugs

Dumbass: Dude, you know what makes the best crack pipe? A tire pressure gauge. But only the metal ones. Those aluminum ones melt too easy.

WIDTS: Ohh kayyyy. Maybe you should think about cutting back or stop using altogether, huh?

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….