Lost In Translation

Rep: Since I’m unable to fix the issue you are having I will need to refer you to a higher department.

Me: Fine. Do I speak with them now or do I have to hope for a callback?

Rep: I spoke with my manager & since I’m unable to fix the issue we will be referring this to a higher department.

WIDTS: What part of my question did you not understand? The whole thing? Not surprising since I was telling you how to fix my issue & you didn’t understand that either.

 

Intelligence Tech Team

Deutsch: Eine Aufbissschiene für den Oberkiefe...

Anti-grinding mouthguard

Caller: I see the instructions you sent with my mouthguard molds tell me I should take impressions of both the upper and the lower teeth. Is that correct?

Me: The instructions we sent do not apply to someone who is as intelligent as you are. I will dispatch our tech team to your residence ASAP!

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Robin’s Hearing Aids

New York Hotel Fitness Center

Me: Thank you for calling Robin‘s Fitness. How can I help you?

Caller: Me and my daughter have a Wal-Mart Card and I’ve been giving her a check to make my payment for me since she lives next door to a Wal-Mart. But now the people at the store tell her she can’t do that because her name isn’t on the checks or the account.

WIDTS: Well, frankly ma’am, you march your ample ass with your head pulled out of it right back down there and tell them that Todd from ROBIN’S FITNESS told ’em to let you.

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Deputy Dumbass

Email-me-button

Image via Wikipedia

Me: I’m sorry, but I am just the answering service for the company. All I can do for you is take a message and forward it to them via email.

Caller: Do you have a direct extension for them?

WIDTS: Yes! Please call 801-386-2277

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


Afternoon Tea?

analog clock

Me: What time of day works for you sir?

Caller: Early afternoons, say around 11?

Me: Let’s examine that word, ‘afternoons’ shall we, sir? It appears that it is a compound word consisting of the words ‘after’ and ‘noon’. ‘After’ means “at a later time” and ‘noon’ is a colloquial term for 12pm or midday. So the term ‘afternoon’ would seem to describe a period of time that is later than 12pm, or ‘noon’, correct? And as far as I understand it, 12pm is later in the day than 11am, am I right? So can you tell me how in the world 11am can be considered part of the ‘afternoon’ time period, sir?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


Pluto-ized

Question posted on a popular Q&A site: Live in DC area want to move but Kaiser health insurance only in some states. Please help?

WIDTS: Poof! I have contacted Kaiser and their insurance now works in all states PLUS on Pluto so now you can return home.

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Not Your Baptized Name

39/i365 Hello My Name Is... Vader

Image by Keith Bloomfield via Flickr

Me: I can see if Mr. Smith is available. May I ask your name please?

Caller: Ellen Withtheautomobileclubregardingsteveandjanejones.

WIDTS: Amazing name, Ms. Withtheautomobileclubregardingsteveandjanejones. Do you have to use nametags as big as a rappers necklace?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


Call Me?

Me: I’m sorry but all the consultants that can answer your questions are unavailable at this time. May I take a message and have them return your call?

Caller: Sure.

Me: Name please?

Caller: Jim

Me: And the last name?

Caller: Nimrod

Me: Phone number please?

Caller: 440-434-6863

Me: OK, I will have the first available consultant give you a call, sir.

Caller: Can I ask a question?

Me: Sure but please bear in mind that all the consultants that can answer your questions are unavailable at this time as was stated at the beginning of the call. Did you still want to ask that question?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


White vs. Black

Award Winner

Image by Extra Medium via Flickr

Question posted on a popular Q&A site: Why dont i ever see white people at the BET awards?

WIDTS: I’m going to guess because it’s the Black Entertainment Television awards.

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Ebony and Ivory?

Ebony and Ivory Elephant (day 26)

Image by EssjayNZ via Flickr

Caller: I see you only have Black, Grey and Brown available, so no Ivory right?

WIDTS: No. Ivory is available. You just have to order it using the right phrase, which you have done. Then you have to be pre-billed for it and wait only God knows how long for it to be delivered. Which, by that time it will be out of style. So can I put you down for 2?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….