Attention Span Deficiency

Caller: It looks like we are getting a duplicate copies of your magazine.

Me: OK, is this the first time or has it happened previously as well as this month?

Caller: This is the first time I’m notifying you.

Me: Thank you for information I didn’t ask for. May I return the favor by telling you I don’t give a flying f*$@?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


Advertisements

Don’t Do Skanks, Kids

Status

Free twitter badge

Not doing Twitter, Ninja-style.

Twitter conversation found @ https://twitter.com/#!/phoebetime/status/130103831055966208

Phoebetime: Pattonoswalt let’s check FB I don’t do twitter

WIDTS:  Even for a skank, 500 million sexual partners is a lot.

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Lights Are On But No One’s Home

Night

Lights are on but no one's home

Caller: So no one is on the premises then?

Me: No, I’m sorry.

Caller: Is the night attendant on the premises?

WIDTS: Now, what do you mean by “no one is on the premises then?”, sir. Because if it’s what the remainder of humanity would derive from that question, is there a reason you asked such an inane followup question?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Phoning Mr. Robinson

Chargepod is a 6-way charging device that allo...

Image via Wikipedia

Me: I’m sorry, but I do not have another number for Mr. Robinson. I can take a message and have him call you back.

Caller: Does he have a cell phone?

Me: Evidence to the contrary, I believe he does, like I still believe you have a brain. Please call 888-386-2277

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Another Use for the Idiot Hotline

telephone

Image via Wikipedia

Me: I am sorry you have not received a call back sir. The only thing I can do is take a message and submit it to Shipping via email.

Caller: Do you have a phone number I can call?

Me: Yep. Sure do. 801-243-8263. Would you like me to connect you to make sure you get through?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


Second Opinion Same as the First

Vaccine research NVGH test tubes

Image by Novartis AG via Flickr

Me: Thanks for calling Vaccines R’ Us. How Can we help you?

Caller: I think my son has Pertussis. My doctor’s office has been shunting me off for the last 3 weeks and I think he has it. Can someone there tell me the symptoms?

Me: I’m sorry, but you’d want to get a second opinion from another doctor. We do not diagnose diseases here.

Caller: I know that I should get a second opinion.

Me: And did I answer the phone as ‘Second Opinions R Us’? Nope. Have a great day, ma’am!

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….


Appreciation For What Exactly, Sir?

appreciation

2, 4, 6, 8 who do we appreciate?

Me: Will Mr. Smith know what the call is regarding?

Caller: I appreciate it!

Me: What I would appreciate, sir, is you paying attention to the things I say and not assuming you know what I’m going to say.

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Restarting Steve Jobs, Please!

Steve Jobs shows off iPhone 4 at the 2010 Worl...

Image via Wikipedia

Overheard IN the library today: “I deleted contacts online, but it says that they won’t be deleted until I restart my phone. How do I restart my phone?”

WIDTS: I can see the loss of Steve Jobs is being severely felt already.

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

Temporary Ego Boost

I saw that BYU’s Riley Nelson won the Independent Offensive Player of the Week award

BYU's logo

for his week 7 performance. Seeing how there are only 3 other Independent football teams in college football that award is about as meaningful as my nephew’s PeeWee participation trophy.

Wires Crossed

Me: I’m sorry you want to cancel your service. If I can get your name and address, I can tell you how to get it canceled.

Caller: My name is Norma Raylene McDonald.

Me: And your phone number please?

Caller: 2408 E Sap St, Allen TX

Me: Interesting phone number there, ma’am. Can I have your address now?

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….