Apparently, there is a subset of Utahns that are SO special that they have required the Utah Transit Authority(UTA) to take action. UTA has imposed a civil fine of $50/$100 for “distracted walking“. They were prompted to take this action as there have been two recent incidents where people (we’ll call them Utahrds) have been injured because they walked into either the train itself or the path of the train because they were not paying attention. So yes, UTA has finally put into place a concept I have been in favor of for a long time, the Idiot Tax. (see also; Tax on the Idiot)
However, since most Utahrds are nearly as wealthy as Mitt Romney, the $50 civil fine will have about as much effect as a poke in the eye.
If you live in a major metropolitan area with a freeway system, you more than likely have to deal with on-ramp metering. For those of you that are not [s] blessed [/s] with living in such an area, here is what on-ramp metering is: it is a system that regulates the number of vehicles that can enter the freeway in a given period of time. Because of the number of cars that want to enter the freeway during the morning and afternoon commutes, the on-ramp are often composed of multiple lanes, each with their own red light/green light combo allowing access to the freeway. Each lane alternates so the queue of vehicles in each lane moves forward uniformly, therefore, unless one of the lanes is more than 1 car shorter than the other, it’s pretty pointless to choose one lane or the other.
Now that I have bored you to tears, here is the reason for this post. As my girlfriend and I were sitting at the traffic light prior to the entrance to the on-ramp, a car was sitting in the lane to our right which was a joint right-turn/continue straight (or as a bi-sexual friend calls it: bi-forward, LOL) and it was going to continue going straight in order to enter the freeway. An SUV decided he didn’t want to wait for all the traffic so he drove on the undeveloped shoulder to turn right. then another SUV, a black GMC Yukon; aka Mr. Thinks-He’s-A-Badass, also decides to try this tactic.
However, the car that wanted to go straight has now decided they want to turn right and so they do, mere milliseconds before the Yukon does and the light changes to allow us to go. The Yukon then decides he wants to go straight and get on the freeway. As we get to the on-ramp, I see that the queue in the right lane is about 2 cars less than the one on the left. However, Mr. Anxious apparently feels that the longer lane will move more quickly and he chooses that one. We choose the shorter lane and get on the freeway directly in front of him.
WIDTS: Black SUV in left lane only means you can go faster than everyone else IF you are carrying the mayor of the 121st largest city in Utah, doncha know?
Also, for someone who appeared to be in a hurry while trying to go around the car back at the intersection, he sure didn’t drive like it on the freeway. We drove the speed limit and he was always within sight on our 45-mile trip.
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season.
They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.
One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob’s voice from beyond. “Bob is that you?” Earl asked. “Of course it me,” Bob replied.
“This is unbelievable!” Earl exclaimed. “So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”
Earl excitedly replies, “Tell me the good news first.”
“Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl.”
“Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?”
“The bloody Red Sox have won the last 100 championships in a row here.”
GPS devices need a ‘I-Know-Where-the-Hell-I’m-Going-I-Just-Want-You-To-Tell-Me-If-I’m-Going-To-Make-It-On-Time’ option. Obviously, that name would be too long, so we’ll just call it the ‘Wife Setting’ or maybe ‘Backseat Driver Lite’. The pro version would be doubly repetitive as the current settings and would be in the voice of Endora, Darren’s mother-in-law from “Bewitched” or maybe Archie Bunker! oh the possibilities.