Caller: I only deal with one payday loan company and I have never had this happen before.
WIDTS: So, by that reasoning, the saying should be “The only constant is everything”, right? Dumbass!
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© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….
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Aurora borealis in Alaska (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Caller: I cannot wait to see the Northern Lights here in Alaska. Concierge, what time do you turn them on?
Me: OK, ma’am I have cancelled that out. Your cancellation # is 1000985236 and a refund will be appearing in your account in 3-7 business days.
Caller: OK, the cancellation # is 1000985236 and I’ll have a refund in 3 days.
Me: The refund will arrive in 3-7 business days.
Caller: OK, 3-7 days
WIDTS: Yes, 3-7 days… on Pluto.
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© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….
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Me: OK ma’am, I have cancelled the account here and we are issuing a refund for our fee of $29.95 which should be in your account in the next 3-6 business days.
Caller: What about the $14.95 fee?
Me: We only charge a fee of $29.95. Does our name appear next to the $14.95 charge, ma’am?
Caller: Well, my bank told me that both entries had the same number, but if you could just refund me the $29.95, I have another number to call for the $14.95.
WIDTS: Do you even understand what you just said
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© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….
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Me: Thanks for calling XYZ company, How can we help you today?
Caller: I see this charge for $29.95 in my account and it has your name and phone number attached to it. I’ve never heard of you. Where did this come from?
Me: We offer a financial assistance program in partnership with a number of payday loan companies. Have you applied for a payday loan recently?
Caller: I have.
Me: OK. On that application, there was a provision that stated that if the loan was declined or if you chose to not accept the approved loan, them you would be initially enrolled into our optional financial assistance program which for the $29.95 one-time fee, you have access to all the financial resources that can help you save $100-$300. Do you have a minute or so I can explain a couple of the benefits to you?
Caller: I’d like to cancel that account, please.
Me: Sure, sir. May I get your name so I can access the file?
Caller: Would you like my checking account number?
WIDTS: Absolutely! Pay no attention to the fact that you are calling to question a charge you are not familiar with. Offering your checking account number is a great way for me to pay off my debts. Thank you SO much!
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© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….
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Me: It does not seem that there is a decision yet on that loan application you submitted. Typically, you would receive a response within 3 business days from the application. Unfortunately, I don’t have the date you applied on file. May I ask what date you filled out the application?
Caller: I received an email with a Client ID number on the 26th.
WIDTS: And I just now received an update on your application status. It reads, and I quote, “Due to many insufficiencies, not the least of which is your IQ, the loan you have applied for was declined. When, or more likely IF, this condition improves, please do not hesitate to think of us for your future borrowing needs.”
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© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….
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Caller: My name is Christina Doe
Me: OK, thank you Ms. Doe and can I ask which version of Christina it is that you use?
Caller: C.
WIDTS: It’s great that you narrowed the possible options by half, just like my opinion of your intelligence.
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Me: When you filled out the application for the loan, the Terms & Conditions of the application stated that if you were declined for the loan or if you opted to not receive the loan, then you would be enrolled in this optional program designed to help save you $100-$300.
Caller: But I told the person that called that I didn’t want their loan. Why am I signed up for this?
WIDTS: Congratulations! As the 100th caller I have spoken with today that listened to me explain the situation, yet didn’t hear a fucking word I said, you have won a lifetime supply of Q-Tips!
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
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Me: I’m sorry sir, but the NSF fee you were charged is between you and your bank and not something we will reimburse you for.
Caller: You overdrafted my checking account with your charge! I can’t afford a $35 overdraft fee! You are the cause of this. My next call is to an attorney if you don’t give me that money back.
Me Thank you for calling Customer Support. How can I help you?
Caller: What do you mean ‘How can I help you?’
