$5 Footlong?

Me: I’d like a 6-inch ham and swiss sub on wheat please.

Sandwich ‘Artist’: I’m sorry but we are all out of 6-inch bread. Would you like a footlong instead?

WIDTS: Well, my girlfriends always gag on my footlong, but sure, shove your footlong down my throat instead of cutting it into 2 6-inch loaves.

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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Old Tricks Work Well, Too

English: iphone Deutsch: iphone

One of my friends at work updated their iPhone to the new iOS6 last night and today she was trying to find her YouTube app to play a song from her favorite band for me. Problem was, she couldn’t locate the app. Problem, right? How was I EVER going to hear this song without the YouTube app?

WIDTS: By using this real cool ‘new’ app called a browser, duh!

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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Too Much Attention?

From an online review of pants:

These pants are the perfect painter pant, and a great price point when they’re on sale. My husband will only wear painter’s pants, and these fit the bill perfectly. The pants wear fairly well; my biggest complaint is that they always wear a hole in the crotch area before any other. It’s impossible to fix. My only complaint with these pants is that they don’t last longer; they should use stronger material in that particular spot.

WIDTS: As a wife you don’t know why pants would wear out in the crotch? Are you paying attention to your husband at ALL? Or are you paying TOO MUCH attention?

but really, this post is just an excuse to show this picture…

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Leash Laws

So, the other day the GF and I took our kids to the local Pizza Planet-esque pizza joint because we had a good deal from an online “coupon” site. No, not that one. 

So anyways, we are all doing our own thing, which means that I am playing the quick shooting basketball game. You know, the one where you shoot as many balls as you can in like 30 seconds and see who has the best score? You don’t?! Take a look at the picture.

We good? Good. So there’s three different machines at the place I am at and suddenly 2 of them are not working. No biggie since there is an operational one and the place is basically deserted on a Saturday afternoon.

WRONG! Some little kid comes over to me, despite my 6-foot tall, 260-pound, shaved head persona and asks me if I can help him with the other ones. What the fuck? Does it look like I WORK here?

After suppressing my natural inclination to be sarcastic, I tell the kid they didn’t work for me either but he can use the one I’m using when I’m done. I swipe my card (Anyone remember TOKENS or QUARTERS?) and begin the game.

I’m playing the game and sucking really bad because I can feel this kid staring at me. I can see him out of the corner of my eye and he’s inching closer and closer and I begin to think “Where the hell is your grown-up type person that’s supposed to be keeping pedophile look-a-likes from molesting you?”

Then he does something which I can only imagine having the chutzpah to do as a fully grown adult, let alone a 7- or 8-year old kid: he picks up one of the balls and ‘shoots’ it almost hitting me in the damn head!

I almost grabbed him and screamed “Who is the parent of this kid and what kind of a crappy parenting job have you done that will probably have him molested by the time he’s 12?”

Math Fail


Our failed field goal

(Photo credit: Rrrrred)



from a story found on ESPN:


Tucker’s 56-yarder at the end of the first half sent the Ravens into the locker room up 17-7. His 51-yarder early in the fourth made it 17-14.


WIDTS: So how did they lose 3 points in the third quarter?








Express Idiocy

Me: Thank you for calling Examine Your Head. This is Todd, how may I help you?

Caller: Is this ExpressScripts?

WIDTS: No. If you want express scripts, please check with the writers of any show on ABC Family.

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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