How Much More Digital Can I Be?

Here’s a story of what happened today at work.

We work with a number of companies in calling their suppliers to let them know that their customer would like to pay them via an automated credit card payment. We send the suppliers an email with the form that they need to fill out in order to enroll in the automated payments program.

Here is a question that one of the agents asked me today:

Agent: So this supplier wants us to send them a digital copy of the enrollment form.

Me: So they didn’t get the original email?

Agent: No, they got it, they just want a digital copy of the enrollment form.

WIDTS: Send them this: 01010011 01101001 01101110 01100011 01100101 0100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 0100000 01100101 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101100 0100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 0100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 0100000 01110011 01110101 01100110 01100110 01101001 01100011 01101001 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101100 01111001 0100000 01100100 01101001 01100111 01101001 01110100 01100001 01101100 0100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 0100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 0101100 0100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 0100000 01101001 01110011 0100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 0100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01101101 0100000 01101001 01101110 0100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 0100000 01100011 01101111 01100100 01100101 0100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 0100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 0100000 01101111 01100010 01110110 01101001 01101111 01110101 01110011 01101100 01111001 0100000 01100100 01101111 0100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 0100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 0100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 0100000 01000101 01101110 01100111 01101100 01101001 01110011 01101000 0101110

(If you want to know what it says, just follow the link.)

© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: On Second Thought…

Originally posted on March 2, 2010.

Whew!

Caller: Whew! I’m glad you answered the phone. I’ve been trying in vain for months to get a hold of this number.

Me: I’m sorry you’ve had trouble. What can I help you with?

Caller: I’m sorry. Something just came up. Can I call you back?

WIDTS: Are you sure? Cuz you’ve tried for months to put the 10 numbers in the right sequence to get some help. Might I suggest you call 888-397-5394 for assistance. And have someone else dial it for you.

—-

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

 

Redux: Grasping at Straws

this is how they all look to me

Image by greg westfall. via Flickr

Me: Law Office. How can we help you today ?

Caller: I was wondering if there was such a thing as stress leave from a job? My job is just too stressful for me.

Me: Stress leave? Yes, there is. It’s called Unemployment. You may contact them @ 877-386-2277

—–

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*


© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

 

Misspelt…

Caller: my email address is marcus.leonard@specialtimes.com. Now make sure you spell that right. One character off and it won’t get to me.
Me: You’re fucking kidding me right? It has to be spelled correctly? Holy SHIT! Maybe that’s why my emails to Megan Fox have not been answered.

—–

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*
© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

 

A Topping Short of a Combo Pizza

So last night we ordered pizza for carryout from the place that likes to think that it “Makes It Great”. We walk in and the cashier who has apparently taken some “Customer Interaction 101” courses since I was in last(I’m wearing a college hoodie and she asked me if I was a fan of that college. Ha!), because she tells my fiancée that her new sunglasses are FABULOUS!

My fiancée replies with, “They are my wedding sunglasses.”

The cashier responds with, “Oh, so you’re getting married soon?”

(While ordinarily this is where I would end the post with my WIDTS response, that response is fairly reasonable considering what’s coming…)

We say that we are getting married in the next month and then…

“Are you happy you’re getting married?”

WIDTS: Nope, we are not. Because of the 50% divorce rate in this country, we are getting married so that we can get divorced in a year or two and increase the odds that our friends will continue to be married happily ever after. How many toppings short of a combination pizza ARE you?

© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: Number ONE!

Lola and her one finger salute

Image by mikekanyo via Flickr

Me: The mailing address for your payment is 1258 Main St, Warren, WI. Warren is spelled W-A-R-R-E-N.

Caller: Is that the number one?

Me: Yes. As in the salute you’re receiving at this very moment.

——-

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Who Should We Fire?

Every so often we hear about a business cutting off this service or that perk to save money for the people that run the business. Sometimes, they even cut jobs so that the owner can afford to take his 3rd Carribbean vacation this year. (Talk about wasteful spending. She’s just going to dump you the minute you have one of those incidents that routinely happen to overweight, middle-aged men.)

And so many times, that cut line seems to not be very fair. I mean why does the ditz in reception keep her job and Marge in Accounting lose hers? Does it have to do with those lipstick stains that match the ditz’s shade of lipwear that appear on the back of the executive toilet? Yeah well, life sucks for you because she sucks for the bosses. Get over it.

But why does Marge get chopped when Lucy, a woman of similar age and marital status, gets to keep her job? Could it be that Marge is a stupid bitch that sends everyone duplicate messages all the time? I know if I was a boss, that’d piss me right the fuck off.

How do I know? Over the past week, I have gotten 3 duplicate messages from vendors that wanted to enroll in our new initiative. One came in via email and then a couple days later I’d get the same exact fucking form by fax.

Look, I get it. You’re busy and you can’t remember if you sent it or not. Happens to me all the time.

Guess what, though? There’s this thing called your Sent Email folder and a Search function within your email program or service. You can easily find out if you sent the form by using these tools, instead of being a tool and causing me 4 times as much work as you saved yourself by just sending me the second enrollment form whose only difference from the first one was you managed to close the loop on the ‘e’ in your name. As if I really thought ‘Margc’ was really your name after talking to you 3 times.

Oh, and that email confirmation we sent you letting you know we received your enrollment and were processing it? Guess that was another fucking waste of my time.

So, yeah Marge. That’s why you lost your job. Because you can’t use the things provided for you to do your job and eliminate work for you, your co-workers and unpaid work for your customers. One of which by the way,  just informed your boss that they are taking their $100K of yearly business elsewhere because you sent them that duplicate enrollment. It just so happens that amount covers your annual compensation. Here’s 2 weeks severance for 35 years of hard work.

Now get bent!