Who Should We Fire?

Every so often we hear about a business cutting off this service or that perk to save money for the people that run the business. Sometimes, they even cut jobs so that the owner can afford to take his 3rd Carribbean vacation this year. (Talk about wasteful spending. She’s just going to dump you the minute you have one of those incidents that routinely happen to overweight, middle-aged men.)

And so many times, that cut line seems to not be very fair. I mean why does the ditz in reception keep her job and Marge in Accounting lose hers? Does it have to do with those lipstick stains that match the ditz’s shade of lipwear that appear on the back of the executive toilet? Yeah well, life sucks for you because she sucks for the bosses. Get over it.

But why does Marge get chopped when Lucy, a woman of similar age and marital status, gets to keep her job? Could it be that Marge is a stupid bitch that sends everyone duplicate messages all the time? I know if I was a boss, that’d piss me right the fuck off.

How do I know? Over the past week, I have gotten 3 duplicate messages from vendors that wanted to enroll in our new initiative. One came in via email and then a couple days later I’d get the same exact fucking form by fax.

Look, I get it. You’re busy and you can’t remember if you sent it or not. Happens to me all the time.

Guess what, though? There’s this thing called your Sent Email folder and a Search function within your email program or service. You can easily find out if you sent the form by using these tools, instead of being a tool and causing me 4 times as much work as you saved yourself by just sending me the second enrollment form whose only difference from the first one was you managed to close the loop on the ‘e’ in your name. As if I really thought ‘Margc’ was really your name after talking to you 3 times.

Oh, and that email confirmation we sent you letting you know we received your enrollment and were processing it? Guess that was another fucking waste of my time.

So, yeah Marge. That’s why you lost your job. Because you can’t use the things provided for you to do your job and eliminate work for you, your co-workers and unpaid work for your customers. One of which by the way,  just informed your boss that they are taking their $100K of yearly business elsewhere because you sent them that duplicate enrollment. It just so happens that amount covers your annual compensation. Here’s 2 weeks severance for 35 years of hard work.

Now get bent!

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