Contradictions in Humanity

Does it bother anyone else when you receive a statement from an alleged professional that contradicts itself?

To wit, the following statement:

Thank you for considering Denseon for the payment plus program. We had a project with Mountain View previously and it’s paid in full. As of now, we do not have any upcoming jobs. Denseon will only accept payment by credit card in the future if it’s for incidental work meaning under $5k. Much larger projects will have to be paid by credit card due to high costs in fees.

Thanks for talking yourself into this payment program and being so CLEARLY stupid…



Efficient Idiocy

An email received today at work. As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty:

BallzDeep, LC acknowledges Habit’s new credit card
payment program and we have emailed the enrollment form to you in a separate email. Please let us know if you require any additional information to enroll us in your new program.


Kitten Kitty
Accounts Receivable

WIDTS: I am so glad you sent me an email to let me know you sent me another email with the information I was requesting. That was so EFFICIENTLY idiotic of you!

These Are My Co-Workers: Just the Fax Edition

Like many companies today, we receive faxes through a cloud-based service that delivers the fax to an email address that everyone has access to. The following is an actual event:

Co-Worker: Is there any way to check and see if we got a fax?

WIDTS: In the immortal words of Donald Trump, which were edited to appease the television censors, “Are you shitting me? Are you fucking serious? Get the hell out of my sight. You’re fired!”

How Much More Digital Can I Be?

Here’s a story of what happened today at work.

We work with a number of companies in calling their suppliers to let them know that their customer would like to pay them via an automated credit card payment. We send the suppliers an email with the form that they need to fill out in order to enroll in the automated payments program.

Here is a question that one of the agents asked me today:

Agent: So this supplier wants us to send them a digital copy of the enrollment form.

Me: So they didn’t get the original email?

Agent: No, they got it, they just want a digital copy of the enrollment form.

WIDTS: Send them this: 01010011 01101001 01101110 01100011 01100101 0100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 0100000 01100101 01101101 01100001 01101001 01101100 0100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 0100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 0100000 01110011 01110101 01100110 01100110 01101001 01100011 01101001 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101100 01111001 0100000 01100100 01101001 01100111 01101001 01110100 01100001 01101100 0100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 0100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 0101100 0100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 0100000 01101001 01110011 0100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 0100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01101101 0100000 01101001 01101110 0100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 0100000 01100011 01101111 01100100 01100101 0100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 0100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 0100000 01101111 01100010 01110110 01101001 01101111 01110101 01110011 01101100 01111001 0100000 01100100 01101111 0100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 0100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01101001 01101110 01100111 0100000 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 0100000 01000101 01101110 01100111 01101100 01101001 01110011 01101000 0101110

(If you want to know what it says, just follow the link.)

© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….

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Redux: Grasping at Straws

this is how they all look to me

Image by greg westfall. via Flickr

Me: Law Office. How can we help you today ?

Caller: I was wondering if there was such a thing as stress leave from a job? My job is just too stressful for me.

Me: Stress leave? Yes, there is. It’s called Unemployment. You may contact them @ 877-386-2277


*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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finally Prefect

I present to you the following résumé which was titled “finally perfect” when it landed in my inbox to peruse to see if we should interview them for a job…Finally Prefect


WIDTS: Yes, that is the perfect résumé. Perfect for milking unemployment for every last red cent you bled into it. Kudos to you, dumbass.

I may just correct it and send it back to them. What do you think?

© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!


Customer DISservice

Rep: XYZ Zippers, how may I direct your call?

Me: Accounts Receivable, please?

Rep: Certainly, sir. One moment please.

Rep #2:Customer service, this is Jeannie. How can I help you?

Me: Uh, actually I was looking for someone in Accounts Receivable…

Rep #2: I’m in customer service. How can I help you?

Me: (Alright, retard; here goes) I am calling on behalf of PDQ Industries who are making some changes to their DPO. I am calling to offer some early payment options so your DSO won’t be affected on the half-million dollars in sales your company does annually with PDQ Industries. Do you handle that?

Rep #2: Let me transfer you to the Accounts Receivable supervisor.

WIDTS: Yeah, NOW you transfer me. AFTER I embarrassed you. 

Lesson learned: Start saying things that are so over the head of the idiots that answer the call that they will naturally pass me along to someone of my intelligence strata. Or, you know, the person I asked to speak with originally.

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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If I Did, I Didn’t

Me: We are a financial management company that offers a financial assistance program in partnership with a number of payday loan companies. It appears her that you have applied for a short-term or payday loan recently, correct?

Caller: I didn’t apply for a loan, but IF I did, I didn’t approve this.

WIDTS: So what you’re really saying is that you are a moron because you think I will believe that cockamamie story, correct?

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! NO order too small/large!