Contradictions in Humanity

Does it bother anyone else when you receive a statement from an alleged professional that contradicts itself?

To wit, the following statement:

Thank you for considering Denseon for the payment plus program. We had a project with Mountain View previously and it’s paid in full. As of now, we do not have any upcoming jobs. Denseon will only accept payment by credit card in the future if it’s for incidental work meaning under $5k. Much larger projects will have to be paid by credit card due to high costs in fees.

Thanks for talking yourself into this payment program and being so CLEARLY stupid…

 

 

Redux: On Second Thought…

Originally posted on March 2, 2010.

Whew!

Caller: Whew! I’m glad you answered the phone. I’ve been trying in vain for months to get a hold of this number.

Me: I’m sorry you’ve had trouble. What can I help you with?

Caller: I’m sorry. Something just came up. Can I call you back?

WIDTS: Are you sure? Cuz you’ve tried for months to put the 10 numbers in the right sequence to get some help. Might I suggest you call 888-397-5394 for assistance. And have someone else dial it for you.

—-

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

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Redux: Try Mexico…

Caller: I see on your site, that the vaccine for Rubinella* is not available in the United States anymore. Do you know where I can get it?

WIDTS: Well, my cousin was able to get the last bit, but you don’ wanna know how. For $20, he’ll make sure you get the shot. Oh and don’t pay no mind to the chick in the hallway with a needle stickin’ outta her arm. That just my girl, she alive.

——

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….<!–

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: Her Prerogative!

Originally posted February 22, 2010:

Me: I’m sorry, Brad is not available right now. Can I take a message for him?

Caller: No that’s OK. This is Sarah, his sister. Can you take a message to have him give me a call?

WIDTS: I’ve heard the old adage that it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, but rarely do I see it happen so quickly. It usually happens after I’ve put a lot of effort into carrying out her original decision. I thank you for saving me the effort of not taking a message.

—–

*Actual caller handled by the by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: Multi-tasking

Originally posted on February 25, 2010:

Me: Thank you for calling ABC Company. This is Steven. How can I help you?

Caller: Willard?

Me: Yes, I’m Willard. I’d like to avoid all of my paying customers, so I’m using a fake name to simultaneously take your call and avoid you at the same time. I’m multi-tasking!!

——

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: Exten-Z-e

Originally posted on February, 25, 2010:

Me: And what phone # can you be reached at please?

Caller: Extension 1058

Me: Is the # to reach that extension option, 1 800 386-2277 by chance? No? Well it should be.

Translate the number to words on your T9 enabled phone or @ the hyper link above.

—-

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: Clearly Wrong…

Me: Thank you for calling Pump U Up Gym. How can I help you?

Caller: Is this Clearly Medical?

WIDTS: Damn! Yes it is. I said ‘Thank you for calling Pump U Up Gym’ because I didn’t want to talk to you, but you caught me.

—–

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: Dim-Witty Repartee

Originally posted on February 19, 2010:

Bob Saget at the O&A Traveling Virus, 2007.

Image via Wikipedia

Caller: May I speak to the IT Department please

Me: I’m sorry but they are currently not available can I take a message?

Caller: And who makes the decisions re: IT purchases in your company?

Me: Is this a sales call?

Caller: Who makes the decisions about IT purchases in your company?

Me: I’m sorry but we’re not interested.

Caller: Are you the decision maker?

Me: No, I am with their answering service.

Caller: So you make those decisions for them as their answering service?

Me: No, they have advised us that they are not interested.

Caller: Why don’t you answer another phone then! (SLAM!)

WIDTS: Such a witty comeback for someone who makes their living talking to people all day long! You should be a sit-down-and-shut-up comedian!

——-

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: Homeless for Lent?

House, Houston, Texas (LOC)

Image by The Library of Congress via Flickr

Originally posted on February 18, 2010:

Caller: I’m looking on your website, HomesForRent.com and I see homes for rent. Do you have homes for rent?

Me: No, we do not. We have homes for Lent.

——-

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*—

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

Redux: Weekend Pink Slips

A Pink Slip

Image by rutthenut via Flickr

Originally posted February 16, 2010:

Caller: Are you the weekend support for my company?

Me: Yes I am.

Caller: So they haven’t switched the phones back yet?

WIDTS: Yes, they have actually. Your pink slip is forthcoming. Have a nice day.

———————————————————————————————————————————

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!