WIDTS: Nop, no brane abornalities here.
Self-Tech Support for the user
Things you should do when encountering a hiccup in your technological workings.
1. Capture the error message in full. Even those ‘words’ that are just a bunch of letters/numbers. They can be the most important part of the error message.
2. Close the program and restart it.
3. If web-based, clear cache & cookies.
4. Turn your device off and on. (It’s a cliché because it fucking WORKS).
5. NOW you may contact tech support.
Failure to abide by the above instructions in the prescribed order, may result in thermal detonation of your workspace.
Signature block I received on an email today:
WIDTS: So you think you are e.e. cummings and this is Poetry Hour at the coffeehouse?
Note I saw on a file today:
the university accepts cc payment forstudent intuition. Need invoice to access the account.
WIDTS: Obviously, you have paid WAY too little tuition to have the job you currently have.
Sentence I saw today @ work:
Correct phone number is 860.691.****, it would just entered in incorrectly on the enrollment form.
WIDTS: English teachers, you are failing and providing GREAT content for Internet trolls and grammar nazi’s everywhere. Keep up the splendid job!
At work, my co-workers call a company’s suppliers to get the suppliers to accept payments via credit card from their client.
A supplier asked if they could be paid separately on the two accounts the customer has set up with them because it is easier for them to reconcile their books that way.
My co-worker commented that it was weird that they would combine payments for accounts that were billed separately and the supplier said, “Oh, we invoice both accounts together.”
WIDTS: Problem solved! Turn in your employee badge immediately & I’ll have Darryl escort you to your car.
The following was found on an electric company website: https://ebill.jacksonemc.com/AccountAccess/JSP/index.jsp
“Also, you can now report power outages online simply by using your account profile.”
WIDTS: How many hamsters on treadmills do you think I own, anyway?
So without any power, you want me to use my computer to report a power outage? Have you lost your ever-loving mind?
Notes from an account today…
Suzie Controller* states that she doesn’t want to participate in any payment initiative for any high dollar amount transactions due to the merchant fees for those transactions and rather than setting a dollar limit per transaction, she would prefer to not participate at all. She did state though that credit card payments could be made online. To pay by credit card you must go to http://www.cityofthefuckingstupid.org/*.
WIDTS: So you don’t want to participate due to the fees you’re going to be charged anyway when I decide to make my payment online? If it makes sense to a government employee, it has to be logical to everyone else, right?
Does anyone else see why government-think is a retarded state of mind?
*names & identifying information has been changed to protect the guilty and to increase the hilarity.
Note found on a record I am auditing today:
Reached Nanette. Their is no AR person assigned to this account. Carrie Wickers has been assigned.
WIDTS: So which is it? Not assigned or assigned?
BTW, the level of mental disengagement here at work has necessitated a more blunt and forward approach. I apologize for the lack of humor in some of my responses to stupidity.
*Names have been changed to protect the guilty…
Note on a piece of correspondence we received today…
Your website Username@youareanidiot.com doesn’t work.
WIDTS: Happily, the only ‘fix’ for my website is electro-shock therapy for the malfunctioning user. Enjoy!