You-knee-verse-it-ee Graduate

Text from a phone script written by an alleged university graduate:
ok lletr me send over the enrollment form  fill it out and send it back to me after i recieve it  u will get a confirmation email stateing u hve been enrolled   
thank u for ur time u hve a great rest of da day
WIDTS: What university did you graduate from? Brigham Young University?

Contradictions in Humanity

Does it bother anyone else when you receive a statement from an alleged professional that contradicts itself?

To wit, the following statement:

Thank you for considering Denseon for the payment plus program. We had a project with Mountain View previously and it’s paid in full. As of now, we do not have any upcoming jobs. Denseon will only accept payment by credit card in the future if it’s for incidental work meaning under $5k. Much larger projects will have to be paid by credit card due to high costs in fees.

Thanks for talking yourself into this payment program and being so CLEARLY stupid…

 

 

English Nazi

Sentence I saw today @ work:

Correct phone number is 860.691.****, it would just entered in incorrectly on the enrollment form.

WIDTS: English teachers, you are failing and providing GREAT content for Internet trolls and grammar nazi’s everywhere. Keep up the splendid job!

Problem Solved!

At work, my co-workers call a company’s suppliers to get the suppliers to accept payments via credit card from their client.

A supplier asked if they could be paid separately on the two accounts the customer has set up with them because it is easier for them to reconcile their books that way.

My co-worker commented that it was weird that they would combine payments for accounts that were billed separately and the supplier said, “Oh, we invoice both accounts together.”

WIDTS: Problem solved! Turn in your employee badge immediately & I’ll have Darryl escort you to your car. 

Efficient Idiocy

An email received today at work. As always, names have been changed to protect the guilty:

BallzDeep, LC acknowledges Habit’s new credit card
payment program and we have emailed the enrollment form to you in a separate email. Please let us know if you require any additional information to enroll us in your new program.

Regards,
Kitten

Kitten Kitty
Accounts Receivable

WIDTS: I am so glad you sent me an email to let me know you sent me another email with the information I was requesting. That was so EFFICIENTLY idiotic of you!

Government-Think

Notes from an account today…

Suzie Controller* states that she doesn’t want to participate in any payment initiative for any high dollar amount transactions due to the merchant fees for those transactions and rather than setting a dollar limit per transaction, she would prefer to not participate at all. She did state though that credit card payments could be made online. To pay by credit card you must go to http://www.cityofthefuckingstupid.org/*.

WIDTS: So you don’t want to participate due to the fees you’re going to be charged anyway when I decide to make my payment online? If it makes sense to a government employee, it has to be logical to everyone else, right? 

Does anyone else see why government-think is a retarded state of mind?

 

*names & identifying information has been changed to protect the guilty and to increase the hilarity.

These Are My Co-workers, EP III

Note found on a record I am auditing today:

Reached Nanette.  Their is no AR person assigned to this account.  Carrie Wickers has been assigned.

WIDTS: So which is it? Not assigned or assigned?

BTW, the level of mental disengagement here at work has necessitated a more blunt and forward approach. I apologize for the lack of humor in some of my responses to stupidity.

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty…