A Topping Short of a Combo Pizza

So last night we ordered pizza for carryout from the place that likes to think that it “Makes It Great”. We walk in and the cashier who has apparently taken some “Customer Interaction 101” courses since I was in last(I’m wearing a college hoodie and she asked me if I was a fan of that college. Ha!), because she tells my fiancée that her new sunglasses are FABULOUS!

My fiancée replies with, “They are my wedding sunglasses.”

The cashier responds with, “Oh, so you’re getting married soon?”

(While ordinarily this is where I would end the post with my WIDTS response, that response is fairly reasonable considering what’s coming…)

We say that we are getting married in the next month and then…

“Are you happy you’re getting married?”

WIDTS: Nope, we are not. Because of the 50% divorce rate in this country, we are getting married so that we can get divorced in a year or two and increase the odds that our friends will continue to be married happily ever after. How many toppings short of a combination pizza ARE you?

© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….

Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!

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Believe?

Standing in line at the department store last week, I start up a conversation with the guy in front of me. 

Me: Quite a line, huh man? 

Him: Yeah.

Me: So, you all ready for Christmas?

Him: Oh, almost. This Nerf gun and Barbie are my last gifts.

Me: Good for you man. So you apparently don’t believe in this doomsday crap with the Mayan Calendar then, eh?

Him: On, no. It’s totally real. The world is gonna end on Friday.

WIDTS: So you’re buying Christmas presents because… 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

 

Submission: Too Big

This was a submission from tammyehoney. Appreciate it!

An FYI to all readers, I will provide links to your blog if I use your submission. Probably wouldn’t hurt your readership stats if ya submitted, IYKWIMAITYD.

Diagram showing the major parts of a modern in...

Customer: I needed a new light bulb for my plug-in air freshener/night-light, so I went to the store and bought one. But when I got home, it was too big for the hole. What do I do now?

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One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

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WIDTS: OK, Mr. AutoZone I can see how they are the same. I mean they do the same job of connecting the electrical cables to my battery so my car will work. So yeah, in your retarded universe I can see how a car and a horse are the same as well.

© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….

Gym Class Sluts

Hooters Calendar Girl Melissa Poe in 2004

From a post on a popular Q&A site:How to make PE uniform look cuter? My crush is in my PE class and I want him to notice me more, I want to look cuter in front of him even when I’m sweating and in a PE uniform. Our uniforms are blue basketball shorts with a school T shirt, the words “Beaumont Middle School Physical Education” are printed in Blue and outlined in Black with the remaining T Shirt white. How can I make myself look cuter? Hair? Accessories? Anything will help, thanks in advance!(:

WIDTS: Two words: BIGGER BOOBS.

Considerate Theives

From an opinion piece found here:

Writer: How hard would it have been for the home burglar to take the tape out of the video recorder or even drop it in the mail once he or she saw what was on it? It’s not like my address was a mystery.

WIDTS: LMAO! So you want someone who has already shown a lack of regard for other people’s possessions to somehow halfway reverse that lack of regard and return items of little or sentimental value to the victims? Why don’t you just ask them to turn themselves in? Hey that’s it! Put labels on all your sentimental items asking the theif to turn themselves into the police. Our crime problems are solved!

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say…

Address Please?

Wrap Around Address Labels

Image by blush printables via Flickr

Me: And what is the billing address for your order?

Caller: Did you want the billing or shipping address?

Me: You know what? Let me give you an address. The address for the Pay the F*%& Attention Institute.


© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….

We’ll Use Him As Bait!

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Aw, but he's sleeping...

Question posted on a popular Q&A site: Is it ok to leave your toddler, or little one in the car by them self?

WIDTS: Sure it’s OK. If your goal is to have them taken away by a child molester, car thief or Child Protection.

© 2011 by What I Desired to Say….