Half Mast

Is anyone else confused about all the days that flags are at half mast lately? Or is it just that I live in one of the most Republican counties in all of America and all the flags are lowered in mourning for the 3+ years still left in Obama’s presidency?

As old as our country is, there has to have been a tragedy on every day of the year that politicians could try to exploit, right? So how about we just leave it at half mast all the time so that the country can just always remember all the tragedies and not move forward? Seems legit to me…

And don’t even give me that Nelson Mandela died. He’s not even a citizen.

[end rant]

© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….

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A Topping Short of a Combo Pizza

So last night we ordered pizza for carryout from the place that likes to think that it “Makes It Great”. We walk in and the cashier who has apparently taken some “Customer Interaction 101” courses since I was in last(I’m wearing a college hoodie and she asked me if I was a fan of that college. Ha!), because she tells my fiancée that her new sunglasses are FABULOUS!

My fiancée replies with, “They are my wedding sunglasses.”

The cashier responds with, “Oh, so you’re getting married soon?”

(While ordinarily this is where I would end the post with my WIDTS response, that response is fairly reasonable considering what’s coming…)

We say that we are getting married in the next month and then…

“Are you happy you’re getting married?”

WIDTS: Nope, we are not. Because of the 50% divorce rate in this country, we are getting married so that we can get divorced in a year or two and increase the odds that our friends will continue to be married happily ever after. How many toppings short of a combination pizza ARE you?

© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….

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Lights, Please!

Aurora borealis in Alaska

Aurora borealis in Alaska (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Caller: I cannot wait to see the Northern Lights here in Alaska. Concierge, what time do you turn them on?

Continue reading

Cut Off

WIDTS: Remind me to never have a wedding ceremony in your culture. Or marry someone FROM your culture. Here in America, we fuck like rabbits for about 5 years of marriage and then the person with the lower sex drive spends the rest of the marriage figuring out ways to not have sex at all or they want it when the other person is too stressed or tired from trying to figure out why they aren’t having sex with their chosen life partner.

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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Not Inside

WIDTS: Towns IN Seattle? Lemme guess, you were an attempted contestant on “Smarter than a 5th Grader” that never made it out of initial qualifying. 

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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Redux: Try Mexico…

Caller: I see on your site, that the vaccine for Rubinella* is not available in the United States anymore. Do you know where I can get it?

WIDTS: Well, my cousin was able to get the last bit, but you don’ wanna know how. For $20, he’ll make sure you get the shot. Oh and don’t pay no mind to the chick in the hallway with a needle stickin’ outta her arm. That just my girl, she alive.

——

*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*

© 2010-2012 by What I Desired to Say….<!–

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Captain Obvious Is EVERYWHERE!

 

Applebee's 2500 block of Aramingo

Me: Can we get our appetizer since we’ve now received our entrees?

Applebee’s waiter: It didn’t come out?

WIDTS: Actually, it did. I’m sitting on the basket in an attempt to score some free food and irrevocably stain my pants.

© 2012 by What I Desired to Say….

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