Todd “Hot Toddy” Hamilton fucked a girl. He fucked her long and good. We got banned from the elementary school forever that day. But every time we’d walk by after that Principal Pfeffercorn would look out of her window, straight at Hot Toddy and smile.
Here’s a story of what happened today at work.
We work with a number of companies in calling their suppliers to let them know that their customer would like to pay them via an automated credit card payment. We send the suppliers an email with the form that they need to fill out in order to enroll in the automated payments program.
Here is a question that one of the agents asked me today:
Agent: So this supplier wants us to send them a digital copy of the enrollment form.
Me: So they didn’t get the original email?
Agent: No, they got it, they just want a digital copy of the enrollment form.
(If you want to know what it says, just follow the link.)
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© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….
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Originally posted on March 2, 2010.
Caller: Whew! I’m glad you answered the phone. I’ve been trying in vain for months to get a hold of this number.
Me: I’m sorry you’ve had trouble. What can I help you with?
Caller: I’m sorry. Something just came up. Can I call you back?
WIDTS: Are you sure? Cuz you’ve tried for months to put the 10 numbers in the right sequence to get some help. Might I suggest you call 888-397-5394 for assistance. And have someone else dial it for you.
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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*
© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….
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Image by greg westfall. via Flickr
Me: Law Office. How can we help you today ?
Caller: I was wondering if there was such a thing as stress leave from a job? My job is just too stressful for me.
Me: Stress leave? Yes, there is. It’s called Unemployment. You may contact them @ 877-386-2277
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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*
© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….
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Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!
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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*
© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….
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Custom Screenprinting available! No order too small/large!
So last night we ordered pizza for carryout from the place that likes to think that it “Makes It Great”. We walk in and the cashier who has apparently taken some “Customer Interaction 101″ courses since I was in last(I’m wearing a college hoodie and she asked me if I was a fan of that college. Ha!), because she tells my fiancée that her new sunglasses are FABULOUS!
My fiancée replies with, “They are my wedding sunglasses.”
The cashier responds with, “Oh, so you’re getting married soon?”
(While ordinarily this is where I would end the post with my WIDTS response, that response is fairly reasonable considering what’s coming…)
We say that we are getting married in the next month and then…
“Are you happy you’re getting married?”
WIDTS: Nope, we are not. Because of the 50% divorce rate in this country, we are getting married so that we can get divorced in a year or two and increase the odds that our friends will continue to be married happily ever after. How many toppings short of a combination pizza ARE you?
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© 2010-2013 by What I Desired to Say….
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Image by mikekanyo via Flickr
Me: The mailing address for your payment is 1258 Main St, Warren, WI. Warren is spelled W-A-R-R-E-N.
Caller: Is that the number one?
Me: Yes. As in the salute you’re receiving at this very moment.
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*Actual caller handled by me while working for an answering service. Names & Identifying information have been changed. Bolded text is what I DESIRED to say…*
© 2010 by What I Desired to Say….
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Every so often we hear about a business cutting off this service or that perk to save money for the people that run the business. Sometimes, they even cut jobs so that the owner can afford to take his 3rd Carribbean vacation this year. (Talk about wasteful spending. She’s just going to dump you the minute you have one of those incidents that routinely happen to overweight, middle-aged men.)
And so many times, that cut line seems to not be very fair. I mean why does the ditz in reception keep her job and Marge in Accounting lose hers? Does it have to do with those lipstick stains that match the ditz’s shade of lipwear that appear on the back of the executive toilet? Yeah well, life sucks for you because she sucks for the bosses. Get over it.
But why does Marge get chopped when Lucy, a woman of similar age and marital status, gets to keep her job? Could it be that Marge is a stupid bitch that sends everyone duplicate messages all the time? I know if I was a boss, that’d piss me right the fuck off.
How do I know? Over the past week, I have gotten 3 duplicate messages from vendors that wanted to enroll in our new initiative. One came in via email and then a couple days later I’d get the same exact fucking form by fax.
Look, I get it. You’re busy and you can’t remember if you sent it or not. Happens to me all the time.
Guess what, though? There’s this thing called your Sent Email folder and a Search function within your email program or service. You can easily find out if you sent the form by using these tools, instead of being a tool and causing me 4 times as much work as you saved yourself by just sending me the second enrollment form whose only difference from the first one was you managed to close the loop on the ‘e’ in your name. As if I really thought ‘Margc’ was really your name after talking to you 3 times.
Oh, and that email confirmation we sent you letting you know we received your enrollment and were processing it? Guess that was another fucking waste of my time.
So, yeah Marge. That’s why you lost your job. Because you can’t use the things provided for you to do your job and eliminate work for you, your co-workers and unpaid work for your customers. One of which by the way, just informed your boss that they are taking their $100K of yearly business elsewhere because you sent them that duplicate enrollment. It just so happens that amount covers your annual compensation. Here’s 2 weeks severance for 35 years of hard work.
Now get bent!
In honor of Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you...), I thought I'd re-post this article from January. If you don't read it, the Dark Side wins! :)
WIDTS: America says, “Now you know how it feels, bitch. No sympathy found here.”
