Brain Abornalities

From IFLScience.com

WIDTS: Nop, no brane abornalities here.

You-knee-verse-it-ee Graduate

Text from a phone script written by an alleged university graduate:

ok lletr me send over the enrollment form  fill it out and send it back to me after i recieve it  u will get a confirmation email stateing u hve been enrolled   

thank u for ur time u hve a great rest of da day

WIDTS: What university did you graduate from? Brigham Young University?

Contradictions in Humanity

Does it bother anyone else when you receive a statement from an alleged professional that contradicts itself?

To wit, the following statement:

Thank you for considering Denseon for the payment plus program. We had a project with Mountain View previously and it’s paid in full. As of now, we do not have any upcoming jobs. Denseon will only accept payment by credit card in the future if it’s for incidental work meaning under $5k. Much larger projects will have to be paid by credit card due to high costs in fees.

Thanks for talking yourself into this payment program and being so CLEARLY stupid…

 

 

Mis-Communication

Me: Hey dude,  I need you to change this note because it references things that will confuse the customer.

Co-worker: How should I word the note then?

WIDTS: You are a graduate in Communications and you would like me to tell you what to write? Can you get a refund on your tuition, or maybe some refresher courses from your alma mater?

Bosses Are All The Same

Working at a call center where we use VoIP.

Boss reprimands me for setting up PC profiles that allegedly do not allow users to save documents to the machine instead of the cloud drive with the reason “I don’t want the potential loss of internet to get in the way of our production.”

Um… Alrighty then

Is That ALL?

From today’s “They turned off their brain” file:

Supplier sent in an enrollment form completely filled out, faxed it in and then called to ask what other information we needed.

WIDTS: Well… the form was completely filled out, so… I will need the account numbers and passwords for every financial account you own or have control over.

Tying to Stem the Tide

Note I received from a supplier today when they were asked if they required the CVV2 code on the back of credit cards to process a credit card payment:

Require Zip Code card is tide to.

WIDTS: Are you expecting a flood of payments?

Following Directions

Happened upon this in a Yard Sale group on FB:

WIDTS: Are you really, really interested in knowing what it’s all about? THEN FOLLOW THE GOD DAMN INSTRUCTIONS! You all FAIL!!

Small Things Matter?

Saw this email signature block today:

Little Things Matter to

ELIZABETH VIZCAINO*

Accounts Receivable

WIDTS: If little things matter ALSO, you suck. If little things matter to YOU, well then may I recommend breast augmentation?

 

*Name changed to protect the guilty

Self-tech Help for Idiots

Self-Tech Support for the user

Things you should do when encountering a hiccup in your technological workings.

1. Capture the error message in full. Even those ‘words’ that are just a bunch of letters/numbers. They can be the most important part of the error message.

2. Close the program and restart it.

3. If web-based, clear cache & cookies.

4. Turn your device off and on. (It’s a cliché because it fucking WORKS).

5. NOW you may contact tech support.

Failure to abide by the above instructions in the prescribed order, may result in thermal detonation of your workspace.